


He'd Die For Me, and I'd Die Without Him

by siruisblackes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Letters, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, Romantic Fluff, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 10:15:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13855701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruisblackes/pseuds/siruisblackes
Summary: Teddy is a mess after James' confession and subsequent silence. He can't go to Harry—fearful he won't understand; he can't go to his grandma because his grandma wasn't around anymore. All he has left is a choice to write a letter, putting every emotion down, not knowing at all that the letter would create a path for Teddy to have exactly what he wants.





	He'd Die For Me, and I'd Die Without Him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RuArcher (Coriesocks)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coriesocks/gifts).



> I do not own the characters or spells, they belong solely to JKR. 
> 
> The mistakes are all my own. 
> 
> Written for RuArcher, a friend and a writer I admire greatly. If you haven't checked her work out, you should!

**He'd Die For Me, and I'd Die Without Him**

* * *

 

Teddy sat on the half-built decking in the back garden of the Potters house; he had his own home, but today, the person he wanted to be with was inside avoiding him. Teddy had  _fucked_  up, and he  _needed_  to fix it. He spread his hands out over the unsanded wood, wondering if the decking that was supposed to be for  _Potter Celebrations_  would ever be finished. Teddy knew he had a duty to help build it, it had been something Harry had asked him to help with—a father and son project, even if they weren't father and son. Being an Auror left little time for Harry, and being in love with James left little time for Teddy.

He wanted to be alone, but not alone- _alone_. Teddy wanted to hear the people he loved, like Ginny shouting up the stairs at Albus to clean his room or Lily laughing on the swing in the corner, but Teddy didn't want to talk to anyone himself—unless it was James. The saving grace was that no one  _did_ talk to him—he was a part of this family, but he wasn't apart of this family. He wasn't an inconvenience, they said, but he knew he wasn't always welcomed. On some days, they wanted to be the family of five they were meant to be and not the family with an additional man who had no family to go too.

The apparition point glowed in the corner of his eye, and Teddy held his breath, hoping it wasn't Harry coming home from work to find him lurking again—the man was  _already_  suspicious. " _Don't you like your new flat, Ted?_ " or " _If you want to hang out here, you could just move in, you know? Gin and I don't mind,"_ —except they both did. As soon as Teddy's grandma passed, the home he once shared with her felt less like a home and more like a prison; years of memories he had never witnessed embedded into the walls, and Teddy had needed to get out.

Holding his breath to the point of passing out, Teddy eventually let go as the glow finally died, and thankfully, it wasn't Harry, relieved to find a blond had appeared instead, although Teddy wasn't entirely sure a chatty-Scorpius would be much better.

"Hey, Teddy!"

Licking his lips, trying to smile and seem  _normal_ , Teddy met Scorpius' gaze. "Hey."

Scorpius placed his hands on his hips, looking up at the sun. "Enjoying the weather?"

 _Ugh_. "Sure, yeah. Sun. Woo!"  _Fuck_ ,  _too sarcastic,_  Teddy groaned to himself.

"You alright?"

He could lie, but he doubted it would be passable. Scorpius had an annoying quality; he could sense others discomfort and unhappiness. Teddy was grateful it benefited Albus— _the boy needed it_ —but when it became directed at him, Teddy would sooner rid himself of the empathetic emotion, especially when Teddy was feeling less like himself. It didn't matter if he felt bitter, angry,  _hurt_ , the person at the core of him couldn't be horrid to Scorpius, even if he wanted to be.

"If I say no, are you going to ask me why?" Teddy asked, watching as Scorpius shrugged, pursing his lips. "Fine,  _no_. But there's nothing you can do unless you can bring people back from the dead so I can get advice on how to un _-fuck_  a situation."

Scorpius gestured to the step beside Teddy, and although he sighed, he nodded. Scorpius was at least more tolerable than Albus—Teddy didn't need the surly teenager adding to his already dark clouded mood.

"When I miss my mum, I write to her," Scorpius said, his hands rubbing together as Teddy frowned, placing his own palms together on his knees. "It sounds... _odd,"_ Scorpius shrugged, a blush appearing on his cheeks from embarrassment, and a pang of guilt began to wash over Teddy for reacting so openly. "It just helps, I can tell her things, and while she doesn't respond, it stops weighing me down."

Teddy let out a breath, allowing some of the feelings to fall from his shoulders. "Are you ever mad at her... _for leaving_?"

Scorpius' smile faded, his eyes dropping to the floor. "If I say yes, am I a bad person?"

"If you are, then I'm the worst," Teddy replied, half-smiling.

"You're not the worst or a terrible person."

Teddy snorted, watching as Scorpius rose to his feet as Albus shouted him from the back door. "Thanks,  _Malfoy_."

Scorpius laughed, walking backwards to Albus as he kept his eyes on Teddy. "No problem, Lupin. Ugh, that felt weird to say—not sure if I like it. Anyways, hope you can un- _fuck_  the situation, see you later!"

Teddy raised his hand, letting out another sigh as his eyes drifted to the upstairs window that had the curtains still drawn. If he were like his dad, he would have gone up and yanked open James' door and pleaded with him to talk to him; if Teddy were like his mum, he would have made a grand gesture and screamed his feelings. But he wasn't either of those, not properly. He was a bit of each, but overall he was someone even he didn't quite know. He was a socially anxious man, who had learnt his sexual orientation at twenty-three and had no one to turn too.

Not the man who had been as much of a dad as he could be; not the woman inside the house he was outside of, currently not knowing what to do with him. He couldn't go to the grandma who had passed but still wouldn't have understood, and he couldn't speak to his best friend—because it was his best friend who was upset with him.

Teddy was alone— _really alone_. And he hated it, more than the idea of writing a letter to his dad.

* * *

When two days passed and James still hadn't bothered to reply to his texts or his Floo calls, Teddy decided the letter was the last choice. If all the letter would bring was an unburdening of his feelings, he would be pleased—anything was better than carrying the guilt of not being honest.

Teddy made sure to buy alcohol and charm his flat. He didn't live far from the Potters', and he didn't want to risk them walking in on what could be a breakdown. He made sure to close his Floo, unplug the telephone he managed to charm to work, and he turned off his mobile, not caring for  _Tumblr_  or  _Snapchat_  today.

He set up the parchment on the dining table, applying a cooling charm and then a stasis charm over the beers, and set himself down, promising himself he couldn't move until he had unburdened his soul.

Teddy had never struggled to be honest with others; it came naturally. He was kind, supportive, and his friends were his life. When Victoire said she loved him, he had felt overjoyed, shouting back his declaration, and it hurt him immensely when their childhood romance began to crumble apart. Everyone he knew and looked up to, Ron and Hermione, Harry and Ginny, had met the love of their lives at Hogwarts, set to start a journey together when they left—and yet he seemed to lose his own the moment he joined the 'real world'. It took him a few months to realise Victoire wasn't the one for him, and he was even more surprised when it didn't hurt as much as he expected. Everyone else's tactics to cheer him up didn't work, because in truth, Teddy didn't care for ' _other fish in the sea'_  or ' _other witches in the cauldron_ ', mainly when he wasn't sure it was a witch he was looking for.

If he had known then what he did now, Teddy wouldn't have allowed the black hole to swallow him. He would have made sure to reciprocate feelings before he hurt the only person he actually thought he loved. Teddy had been scared because he had always lost  _everything,_ and he didn't want to lose  _him_. Even if, ironically, he had now done that anyways.

Screwing the cap off the first bottle, Teddy rose the cold glass to his lips and let cold beer travel down his throat. He let the taste hang on his tongue, hoping the effects of the alcohol kicked in quickly, not wanting to hang about.

Teddy had worried for nothing, picking up a pen—preferring it to a quill—and placed the tip on the parchment as he dropped the beer back onto the table.

_Dear Dad,_

_I'm not sure how to start this or what to even say. This was someone else's idea, and I'm not sold on it working. I feel I should tell you how I'm doing_ —which for the record isn't good— _or tell you about my accomplishments, but it isn't really why I'm here._

 _I'm here because_ ~~_I'm different_  ~~ _I'm bisexual, and I don't know if it's okay._

_This can't come as a shock to you because apparently when people die they look down on those they love—unless Grandma is lying to me and you've been doing something else. It can't come as a surprise either when I've heard the stories I have—not that I'm insinuating that sexual orientation can be a part of someone's DNA._

_I miss you, even if I don't know what I'm missing. I miss the feeling of being able to turn to someone who should be called Dad. Not that Harry isn't great, but he's not...you—even if I don't know what you'd be like._ ~~_You could be a tosser_  ~~ _You could be unhelpful, but from the stories Harry has told, I don't get that impression._

 ~~ _I fucked up, Dad_~~ _ ~~.~~ I messed things up. A man, a kind man loves me, I think, and instead of allowing myself to feel things, I hurt him. I hurt someone I love. You see, I don't think I'm all that different to you, even if I look and act more like mum—according to Grandma, and I suspect she was biased. I suspect you didn't let mum love you as soon as you did because of someone else. I suspect that because you aren't here to tell me it yourself. _ ~~ _Which I'm mad at._~~   _Which upsets me._

_He's six years younger than me, but I doubt you'd judge me. He's a kind person, good family, good heart. He puts me first, as much as he can do, and I think I'd do anything for him. He always tells me, he'd die fighting for me, but Dad, I think I'd die with him if something happened to him. It sounds odd now that I say it because clearly, I love him, but when he told me, I froze, I panicked. I have wanted to kiss him for so long, which I don't know if it's weird to tell you that, but I've said it, and I don't really want to take it back._

_I should have kissed him. I should have taken his face and kissed him back, why did I freeze? Did you freeze, when mum kissed you? ~~Or when...~~_

_I kissed a girl before, and I liked it. But I want to kiss this man, and I know I'd _ _fucking_   _love it._

Teddy uncapped another bottle, downing it in one, hoping to numb his face and forget the tears that were cruising down his cheeks. This hurt, more than he had expected, but it was a welcomed pain—a pain that felt right and needed. Scorpius had been right, and Teddy made a mental note in a sober state to tell him that.

He had never been foolish and assumed Albus and Scorpius were childish—like James often did—but he had never been as kind to them as he was with Lily or James. He had sniggered when James had made remarks, and he hadn't put a stop to Albus' things being charmed to vanish. Scorpius, however, had never stopped being kind to either James or himself, even if all he had seen was the two of them picking on Albus.

Teddy had always made excuses for James ever since Teddy was seventeen and he became the Head Boy. He had always thought it was because they were closer in age than the others. He realised now, two beers in, that just wasn't the case, and that deep down, he had always felt the way he did about James—he just hadn't been sure that was what love was. James at least was understandable now.

Slamming the empty bottle back into the table, placing it beside the other two, he picked the pen back up, blinking away the haze the beer was providing.

_I need to know what I should do. I feel like I'm crossing boundaries. I love this man, more than his family know I do—a family that loved me like a son. I feel so much guilt because I feel I violated some unspoken rule about loving best friends and godfathers sons. But you broke one of those rules—if there are rules—and you loved as much as you could in the world that existed. And I know you loved mum with everything you had, but I think I could love this man with everything I have._

_It's complicated, but what isn't. It's messy, but so is everything._

~~_Dad, I need you._~~   _Why did you leave? I know it's not fair for me to be mad that you aren't here for this confusing part of my life. But I am. Did you even think that I'd need you? Did it cross your mind that even if the world was better, your son might not be okay?_ ~~ _I'm not okay._~~   _I'm doing okay, but I'm not great._

_I'm in love with a man named James, and I'm not doing great without him. He's embarrassed I became a mute, and he feels guilty that he kissed me—when he should feel none of those things. I should. I wanted to kiss him back; I tried to grip his hand and tell him that I loved him too. That I had for a while._

_I'm twenty-six. I've lived almost twenty-six years without you, but right now, this year, I need you. I need my dad. I need my mum too, but I need you. I need you to take me to a pub and drink with me; I need you to teach me all the things Harry did because it should have been you. I need to know that me loving this man is okay._

_I need to know that I'm okay._ ~~_Because I don't feel I am._ ~~

_My heart tells me to love him. My head tells me to love him, and so does my gut. But my morals tell me I'm wrong too, that others will say horrible things, and I don't want to hurt Harry. He's had horrid things said about him his entire life; I've seen the paper clippings—I've heard some of the things others still say. I don't want to bring shame on his family when all I want to do is love his son like no one else ever will._

~~_Is that wrong?_~~   _Dad, am I wrong?_

 _I don't know what to do; I'm sort of crying—sorry for the tear marks._ ~~_I don't know how to end this, do I tell you I love you even though I don't know you._ ~~

_Love,_  
_Teddy.  
_ ~~_Your son._ ~~

* * *

Teddy woke in his bed, head aching as though it had been split in half and hating the corner shop deals on beers. He stared for several seconds at his ceiling, following the cracks of the plaster to the outer edges, feeling a pang of similarity between him and the roof. The cracks within him were not as apparent as those against the off-white ceiling, but he felt every day, making his structure weak. His head throbbed with the after-effects of crying, his face still feeling dry as though it would crumble if he smiled—not that he would be able to smile, only James could make him do that now.

When he had been younger, he had laughed so much he forgot about the emptiness and the pining in his chest. He barely noticed that he didn't have a family of his own until the day he watched James go to Hogwarts. Harry and Ginny had gone to Kings Cross on his first day, but it felt different with James. With their own son, it felt like an event—with Teddy it felt like something they  _needed_  to do. Every day from his seventh year, he noticed himself beginning to slip away from the laughing boy who sported blue hair, becoming a man who only wore bright colours around one bright soul— _James_.

With James Sirius Potter, Teddy was himself. He was bubbly; he was soft and carefree. Without him, he was a mess of a person who didn't know what he was made of. Without James he was Edward, and he had no clue who Edward was or could ever be.

Rising from his bed with a disgruntled groan, rubbing his forehead, he headed to the bathroom as he rubbed his eyes. He didn't glance around his home, not wishing to see any destruction he might have caused, his only goal was to relieve his bladder—which he did quickly. He brushed his teeth, hoping the bitter taste of emotional drinking would fade. Lifting his head from emptying his mouth of regret, his eyes caught a pair of bright brown eyes that made his heart jump out of his throat.

It was only as James' eyes wandered over Teddy's back that he realised how undressed he was, only wearing boxer briefs. He didn't hide himself, and Teddy also didn't miss the way the tips of his hair began to turn pink from embarrassment. Quickly summoning some bottoms, he hurriedly put on the grey joggers, feeling James' eyes burn over his skin as he did.

Knowing he needed to speak first, Teddy found his mouth opened ready to launch apologies and words that  _should_ make this better. James, however, beat him to the punch.

"My dad sent me."

Teddy raised his eyebrow in the mirror, turning slowly so he faced James, but not too quickly his sight would have failed. "Oh?" He replied, moving to the doorway of his bathroom.

James rubbed the back of his head, the dark, thick hair still looked like Teddy's fingers could be run through them with ease. "He was worried about you, and... _well_ , he said I should come."

Carefully glancing his eyes at the dining table, noticing the empty bottles and pen in their place, but the letter had moved—folded, unlike Teddy would ever have done. He felt his face flush, his ears burning as his throat tightened.  _Fuck_.

" _Jamie…_ "

"He said," James continued, ignoring him. "As long as he gets Lily for a little while longer, he doesn't care if his sons are in love." Teddy tried to swallow, finding air and words stuck in his throat, suffocating and clogging everything within him. "He also said you're a git for not going to him, and regardless of blood—you're family. But...not too much like family for...things to be weird."

"Jamie," Teddy began, and James silenced as his eyes widened. The air was tense, horribly full of pressure and the need for the right words—something Teddy wasn't sure he could fulfil. "I...I wanted to tell you, but I just, I wanted—"

James smiled with a smirk, sweet with a layer of mischief—just like normal. "You just aren't as  _brave_  as me, that's all it is. Bloody Hufflepuff's."

Teddy snapped his mouth closed, feeling something trickle down his spine as his lips moved into a smile. "Is that so?" He said, folding his arms over his chest, finding the moment reminiscent of their usual taunting. "Maybe I'm just not  _hot-headed_ , I like to think things through."

Nodding, James laughed, filling the room with the sound before it softly and slowly died. "Sure. Well. Why  _didn't_  you tell me, once you thought things through?"

There was so much Teddy  _could_ say, but he knew they'd all sound like excuses. He also didn't want to insinuate that James w _ouldn't_ understand, but somehow Teddy suspected he still wouldn't. Opening and closing his mouth, looking similar to a fish, Teddy tried to think of something—anything—he could say, but he kept coming up blank, the truth feeling too tricky to tell. 

He wanted to tell him everything. Teddy wanted to share that he felt less of a person, half of a man because he knew a part of him would always be empty—having lost before he could be aware of what losing someone was. He knew James filled as much as he could of him, always filling the holes that appeared within Teddy when he felt he missed out on something—James always understanding, being the rock Teddy needed when his grandma had passed. James was the only person who could set his world on fire and save Teddy all at once; he was the only person Teddy would burn for if needed; the only person Teddy would risk it all for. He dreamt every night of James, feeling the growing desire each day when they were close doing seemingly normal friend-like-things. Teddy didn't want to feel these things, but he knew he couldn't fight them either. They were right—this was right. They were right, together. 

Teddy wanted to tell James that when he told Teddy he loved him, his entire world burst into colour—every shade, every bit of light dispersed the dark. He felt whole until he realised how much he feared, how sure he was that he'd fuck up and hurt James. Teddy wanted to tell James he was scared, but not of him—but of losing him. 

"Because of my  _dad_?" James asked with sadness in his voice. It hurt Teddy more than he could admit, hitting deep into his core, paining him as though they were connected. "Because of you being... _bi?_ "

"No. 100% no to the latter, a little… _a lot_  in regards to the first," Teddy said, watching as James sat down on the sofa, allowing Teddy some space to move into his living space. "I didn't want to make things hard for you." James' lips curled into a smirk. "Not like that you fucking dick. Just, in general. ' _Godson falls in love with godfathers son, incestual Lupin at large'_ or ' _Harry Potter raises the orphan boy, breaks his heart in return by stealing his heir'_."

Sinking into the worn armchair, gifted by his grandma before she passed, Teddy sighed. As soon as he had said it out loud, he knew it sounded idiotic, and from the look of contemplation on James', the man didn't understand his issue. If he was honest, Teddy wasn't even sure he understood his problem.

"You know, my dad isn't against—"

"I know," Teddy finished, pressing his head into his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. "Although I think he's barking up the wrong tree with Scorpius and Albus, I'm sure Scorpius still has a crush on Rose?" James shrugged with a blank expression. "However, regardless of Harry's... _understanding_ , it's not what, it's not really what's bothering me."

James shuffled on the sofa, the fabric creaking under James skinny jeans—the ones Teddy knew cupped his arse, the ones that Teddy had admired shaping James' arse.

"My dad loves you," James spoke softly. "He  _still_  loves you, even if you...—"

Teddy moved his head, so his chin rested in his hands. "Even if I love you more than I can describe? Even if for the last three years since I split from Vic, I've been feeling a hardship in my chest because I had feelings for you. Feelings I couldn't understand or get rid off." Licking his lips, noticing the way James' eyes following the tip of his tongue, as butterflies fluttered in Teddy's chest. "Will he still love me when I kiss his son? When I, someone he helped raise, holds hands with his own son—someone I had sleepovers with when I was ten?" Teddy rolled his lips together, fighting the tears. "Will he still love me like a son, when I hurt his son because I'm a fucked up person who constantly wishes he wasn't an orphan? Will you still want to be my friend, even if we fall apart? I can't lose you, Jamie. You are all I have—you are all I want." 

Watching the lump in James' throat move up and down, Teddy stood from the chair, letting his arms fall to his sides. His heart hurt from being so close, but feeling so far from him; his soul ached as it felt close to breaking at the knowledge every truth was out in the open. His bones throbbed from fighting being beside James.

He kept a hold of James' gaze, hating how beautiful and light his brown eyes were. They were like pools, and Teddy had wanted to fall in them for so long they haunted his dreams. No one else's eyes compared, no ones laugh made Teddy feel warm—not a single person made him feel like James did.

James slowly rose to his feet. His hair was looking like he was a pop star, just like usual, and Teddy—also like normal—could only think about running his hands through it, messing it up and pulling James flush against him. As James straightened his back, Teddy looked up, hating the additional inch James had, but knowing he wouldn't hate the way he'd fit into the crook of his neck, as though the space was made for Teddy, and Teddy alone. "My dad sent  _me_  here."

Teddy shook his head. "Harry doesn't—"

" _Don't_ ," James insisted, and Teddy silenced. "My dad came here, and instead of staying and talking to you, hoping to get you to open up, he sent me." James stepped closer to him— confidence flooding through every muscle in his body, causing Teddy to shiver in response. "He  _sent me_  here."

He wanted to be stronger; he needed to grasp James' cheek and press his lips to his. He knew they'd be soft, James cared about his appearance—he was a show-off, a loud but well-spoken man who liked being in the centre. Teddy knew he'd be soft, but he'd be toned, with lines for muscles Teddy couldn't emulate himself. He needed to feel James beside him, feel both softness and hardness—both of them bare and nothing between them, both of them grasping for skin, breathing and panting for release. Teddy adored James, for both his body, mind and soul, but there was some part of him that became animalistic around James. Teddy couldn't think, he couldn't act normally—his mind only populated with thoughts he had never had before. They ran through Teddy's mind at night, when he was alone and hardening at the thought of what James' cocky, arrogant mouth could do—Teddy suspected it would do a lot. 

Teddy loved James. He would be more than a release, than a mean to an end—he would be the end. He'd the one he'd make breakfast for, and the one Teddy would come home to. He'd hold his hand when he was scared, and Teddy would take James to bed when he had endured a hard day. It was more than physical, it was more than anything Teddy had ever felt before, and he had to know it was reciprocated, feeling exposed with confessions floating around the room. 

"Do you love me?" Teddy asked, feigning confidence.

"Teddy—"

Shaking his head, offering a smile. "Do  _you_  love  _me?_ " Teddy insisted.

James let out a short sigh. "Yes, so much... _yes_."

Teddy nodded, trying to control the butterflies in his chest that had gone erratic. Everything in his wanted to jump, wanted to fly and run. "I don't want to lose you..." Teddy added, even if his whole body was full of happiness and adrenaline—he couldn't silence the doubt, living in the dark, crawling out ready to ruin his happiness just as it always had. "I _can't_ lose you, even if you love me—"

"Do you love me?" James asked. "Because if you do, you won't lose me. For _fuck sake_ , Teddy, I've liked you for years. It was _fucking_ confusing, 'cause you know—your Teddy, but, I can't lose you too. So, do you love me? Do you love me enough to not let me go?"

Teddy felt his body tense, even if he knew the answer. He swallowed, hearing the thumping of his heart in his ears. He could answer, breathless and empty the air of its awkwardness, or he could act. He could be  _brave_ ; he could be without care like his mum was known for. Teddy could be like his dad and be reckless and impulsive. And he even could be Teddy with James, the happy-go-lucky badger who wore his heart on his sleeve—Edward 'Teddy' Lupin, the man in love.

He decided, however, to be all of that. A better, more improved version of himself. Teddy with his parents, and his own morals, combined with the person he was with James.

"Yes," Teddy answered, a look of relief passing over James face that Teddy stole. He closed the gap between them, cupping his cheek and James' chiselled jaw. "I love you more than enough, I do, I do," Teddy whispered, running his fingers up into James' hair, pressing his against the ones an inch from his. 

Their lips met with a longing that felt like an eternity and eclipsed with a feeling of perfection. It felt right; it felt needed—everything bubbles inside of Teddy like it had been reborn. Tingles darted down his fingers, a glow passed over his skin, and while he didn't have a mirror anywhere except the bathroom, Teddy was still sure his hair was bright yellow—the colour of happiness. Their hands darted for skin, Teddy's moving up James' skin-tight t-shirt; James' moving for Teddy's hips, his fingers curling around his hip-bone, leaving soft bruises of want and need along his pale skin. 

Neither noticed they fell onto the sofa—the seating they had watched films together and eaten and drank more than they should. Teddy knew he should have made his move sooner, but it was hard to be regretful when this moment felt so perfect. 

"I love you. I _bloody_ , love you," Teddy whispered against James' lips, feeling James' fingers crawl up his side, over his ribs. His mind exploding, and even though all of this was nothing more than kissing—to Teddy it was everything. 

"I love you too," James responded in a pant, his eyes a darkened shade of brown—one Teddy had never seen. James wanted this too, just as much as Teddy—probably for just as long. 

Teddy rolled his hips once into James', hissing at the sensation it brought. "I'd give up the whole world for you—I'd burn it to the ground, I'd live without anything and everything, as long as I had you." 

James grinned against his lips, and Teddy felt the warmth coming from James' cheeks. "So _bloody_ poetic." 

The moment was one neither wanted to end, but Teddy knew the importance of air—and he didn't want to have their first time on a sofa in the middle of the living room where anyone could walk in. The family was seemingly understanding, but Teddy didn't want to push his luck. He released James' lips softly, slowly brushing his fingers across his cheek as Teddy watched James' eyes slowly return to normal.

"You have my heart," James whispered, his eyes full of honesty, "and I promise you're enough to have it." 

They were full of light, but the lust and something Teddy hoped was love still remained in the deepest depth of them. He began to feel James' fingers kneading against his bare hip, and the warmth of their bodies being so close together was  _heavenly_. He couldn't resist, so Teddy didn't. He reunited their lips, taking things slower, deepening the hold they had. He traced them down James' jaw, leaving soft kisses on his neck.

"One for today," Teddy whispered, placing a kiss, "one for tomorrow," leaving another on James' collarbone, "one for always," as Teddy met James' eyes, "because I'll want you for forever." 

James' cheeks were a shade of pink even Teddy had never seen—and he had seen the rainbow. The two of them fell together, grasping the other, holding each other close as they simply held on for dear life. They didn't speak, they didn't kiss—just taking a moment to admire how well their bodies fit together, and how perfect they were. 

"So."

"So," Teddy smiled moving to stand up from the sofa, hating the emptiness he felt from being untangled from James' arms. He watched as the brown eyes move up to his hair, and Teddy felt his stomach drop to his feet. "Oh _fuck_ , what _fuckin_ ' colour is it?"

James frowned, but it was accompanied by a smile as he sat up, leaning against the back of the sofa. "It's like a weird purple, like not... _wizard_  purple but—"

Growling to himself, Teddy walked to the bathroom, catching himself in the mirror. " _Magenta?"_ Teddy spun on his heels, "It's never been  _magenta?"_

James shrugged, smirking dangerously. "I'm flattered, Ted. New colour, new  _lover."_

Feeling himself smile naturally, not thinking about it at all, Teddy leant against the doorframe of the bathroom. "Is that what we are?"

James shrugged. "I'm not one for labels. I don't like to be  _boxed_. Unless you're into that sorta thing?" He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"For one, I don't even know what that means, two, I… don't need a title, I'm not twelve," Teddy added, running his fingers up and down the wood of the door. "But I'd like to know, you know, that we aren't, that you aren't—"

James laughed. "You were a right confident prick with Victoire, do I make you that nervous?" Teddy only stared, and James' laughter teetered off. "I'm only yours, alright? I just had a conversation with my dad about being full of feelings about  _you_ ; I'm not going to go—"

"You make me nervous," Teddy announced, and James' eyebrows moved up his forehead. " _Only_  because I feel more for you than I thought I could. Not because you're like...I just don't want to fuck  _this_  up."

"Like you did before?"

Teddy snorted, rolling his eyes. " _Fine_ , like I did before."

James sniggered. "I'm quite confident you won't. I mean, we're friends,  _best friends_. It will only make this easy."

"When did you become the wise one?" Teddy asked, stopping his fingers from tracing, holding James' gaze.

"Guess I've hung around you a lot," James said, making himself comfortable on the sofa as he ran his hands through his hair, kicking his shoes off. "It worked out in my favour,  _I guess_."

Teddy grinned, looking over his shoulder to notice his hair had changed back to the soft, mouse brown it naturally was. "You guess, huh?" Flicking his finger, a cushion from the sofa hit James' in the face, Teddy laughing behind his smile. "You want breakfast?"

"Didn't take my shoes off for nothing,  _boyfriend._  Plus, I need stamina, you know, I've got a lot of christening to do in this place—I've had _a lot_ of detailed thoughts."

Rolling his eyes, Teddy moved to the small kitchen off near the dining table, carefully taking the parchment from the table—not wanting James to read his thoughts just yet. "I'm sure I'm in for a right treat," he replied sarcastically, sticking his tongue out as James sniggered from the sofa. 

"Being with me _is_ a treat, you should know this—it's why you were always round my house as a kid!"

Teddy laughed, flicking the hob on as removed the wand from his pocket—surprised the wood hadn't snapped from the make-out session on the sofa. "You are far too confident, Jamie. I have no idea where you get it from."

Teddy moved to open the fridge, opened the parchment still in his hand as he focused on the handwriting that was not his own:

 _I love you as a father would, I will never be disappointed in you. I_ _fuck up_   _mess up a lot of my kids, but you're one I've never had to worry about.  
__Couldn't think of anyone more perfect for my son,_

 _Love, Harry  
_ _Your godfather, always._

* * *

 

**oOo**

**Author's Note:**

> Find Me On Tumblr: [josiemoone](https://josiemoone.tumblr.com)


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